shackled with pumping veins, iron and oxygen -
the heartstrings lead the way along the floor, down to
the bedsheets where she's adorned her body in
[blood and gore]. pearls of blood shimmer down your skin.
live and let live, temptress, branded within with
one thousand scars, these faceless faces,
all filling in the empty spaces,
all covering up with jewels and lace
everything about you unsheathed. so expose
the bullets, whips and crumpled rose, for when
the black light blares down on you, it still shows -
you're always clothed in skin.
Points:
Time spent:
Canary word: Present
Possible AI signals:
Original Text:
Are you sure you want to delete this comment? This cannot be undone.
Mark this comment as a review? Points will be awarded to the poster.
Your comment was posted, but it wasn’t long enough to count as a review. Reviews need about four complete sentences (at least 250 characters). Try writing another review that explains your thoughts in more detail — the author will appreciate it, and you’ll earn points for it.
A pretty clear (if dark) picture is protrayed here. Beautiful. One thing:
Maybe it's just me, but the transition between these two lines jerked me out of the rhythmn you had going so nicely.
EDIT: Great title, by the way.
Very descriptive. Love it. I myself tend to write dark stuff without thinking about it--and I'm a 'class clown'.